Introducing Sasha Grey and Porn to Your Girl-A How To Manual

Introducing Sasha Grey into your relationship.

If you and your girl are already into the porn, then this isn’t for you. Skip down to the rest of the pictures and count yourself as one lucky fella.

But if your girl isn’t into watching pornography with you, take three minutes out of your day to read this little diddy. It might just save your life!

This topic came about after a conversation The Nudge had with one of our faithful readers. We we’re talking about porn and how to introduce it into the relationship without your girlfriend realizing that she’s currently dating a degenerate porn addicted asshole instead of that well adjusted coke addicted stock broker that her mother wants her to date.

The conversation went pretty much like this:

“So, do you and your girl watch any Sasha Grey stuff?”

“WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME. My girl won’t watch any porn at all. Let alone Sasha Grey.”

“So your telling me that you don’t watch porno at all with her. What is she Amish?”

“No, she would kill me if I ever tried to do anything like that.”

So this is where The Nudge comes in. First off, when me and Mikey-Love go out with our darling little Nudgettes, usually 85% of our conversation deals with porn. And we talk so loud that not only can our nudgettes hear everything we say, but usually by the time we leave the bar, absolutely everyone within 25 feet of us knows that A) We are in fact the degenerates that we say we are. B) We watch so much porn that we can tell the difference between when certain films were shot in different girls careers and C) everyone knows after the fifty two minute debate that one of us likes Asian Porn and the other one doesn’t.

We don’t have the problem of introducing Sasha into our love lives. But if you do, take a couple of these hints, try it out, and let me now if they work. But just remember this simple little fact: “I am not an expert by any means.” In fact, I’m border line mentally incapable of tying my shoes together, so take it for what it’s worth.

1) Alcohol has to be involved. Pick a night to introduce your girl to Sasha preferably after she’s been drinking.

2) Bring up porn in your conversation while your in a public place. For instance, tell her that you just read an article in a back edition of Rolling Stone while you were sitting taking a crap at work. If you have another couple there, go over the conversation with your buddy before hand. Tell him that your going to start talking about porn when your girls get back and tell him to go along with it. Trust me, if he was your wingman before you had a steady girl, this mission will be really easy for him.

3) Gauge you girls interest in the topic. If she says anything like “EWEE, that’s so yucky, I would never watch anything like that ever!” Unless her father has season tickets to the Yankees or a large trust fund that you will someday be getting your hands on, dump her. Right there. Don’t even let her take a ride home with you. Trust me, you’ll be doing yourself a favor. Ten years from now, you’ll be stuck in a marriage with kids that you can’t get out of, and the only position she’ll do is straight missionary. You’ll be staring out the window and thinking to yourself “I shoulda listened to that old boy Nudgie, boy he was right on track.”

4) If she isn’t completely disgusted, bring up the fact that Sasha is a different kind of porn star, no plastic, no fakeness and that the guys at work were talking about it and you’d be interested to find out what all the fuss is about.

5) Now here’s the tricky part. If your girl knows that you “Punish the Clown” to internet porn, then you have no problem. She knows that you know were to go to see one of Sasha’s works of art. But if she doesn’t know that you’re a clown punisher, than you have to fake like you’re a babe in the woods. This is where your wingman comes in.

6) Ahead of time, let him know that you’re going to be asking how you can see one of these little gems. Let him know to tell you the websites that you have logged onto already about sixteen thousand times, but your girl doesn’t know about. Then pretend to your girl like you can’t remember the websites name. For instance, “What did Peter say that website was, Tube19 or something?”

7) As soon as you get in the car, tell her that you can’t wait to get home and get your hands on her. I think this is the part where a “little soft petting”(whatever that is) comes in. Hey, I saw this on Oprah.

8) Now, you get home, and these are the exact words you say:”I have to see what everyone is talking about.” Don’t ask her. That leaves her an out, and she will definitely take it. So, very important, do not ask her if she wants to watch porn. Say that you want to see all the fuss. Walk over to the computer. If she follows you, you’re in. If she’s goes in the next room, you’re still in play as they say. If she tells you you’re a sick f-ing degenerate, go back to step 3.

9) Now remember, you’re a babe in the woods. Play the part. Log on, pretend like you don’t know how to navigate through the website, but have a pre-picked out plan in mind. KNOW EXACTLY WHICH ONE YOU ARE GOING TO FIRST. Don’t be the idiot who picks double anal as the first video she sees. Pick out one of Sasha’s tamer scenes first. Then move onto Double anal another night.

10) While you’re both watching it, move into some “soft petting” again. Important, don’t ask her whether or not she likes it. Do Not Give Her That Out. She doesn’t want you to know that she does, and you shouldn’t care about the answer anyway. If she’s still sitting there, you know the answer already

And finally, this is really important too! After you are both finished, let her know that you thought that that was amazing. Don’t ask her if she liked it. Don’t ask her if she would want to do it again. Simply tell her what you thought. If she voluntarily tells you she was really turned on by it, Yahtzee. You have a winner.

And remember, I am not a professional. Good luck and enjoy. Just remember that it’s worth it. And anything worth while is worth tryin!