Top Ten Most Googled Hotties of 2009 So Far

I was about to get to Chapter 28 of my doctoral thesis entitled "Intrusive and imperialistic American diplomacy and its detrimental effects on Third World geo-political macro-economies" when I stopped and wondered aloud who I thought the most Googled hottie in the world right now is. I would've bet you my house that Megan Fox at least would have been either at the top or near, but the fact that she didn't even make the list is unbelievable.

So the thesis can wait, for now let's count down to number one.

#10- Rhona Metra

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Rhona's an actress who has been in such incredible films as Get Carter (Sly Stallone's greatest performance as a horribly bad actor in a shitty movie) and also Hollow Man. So really, Rhona is famous for being in the absolute two worst movies ever made, in history. In the history of all movies, which is probably like a million or so, this broads been in Get Carter and Hollow Man. AND she still gets jobs, while the kid who played Urkle is selling hand jobs behind the Seven Eleven over on Wilshire Blvd.

I think the reason so many people are Googling her is that she used to dress up as Tomb Raider's Lara Croft. Other than that, this one is beyond me.


#9 Kim Kardashian

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This one just disappoints the Hell out of me. Really, if this girls name was Mona Shwartz, she'd be lucky if one of her fellow co-workers at Wal-Mart wouldn't mind throwing her one on their lunch hour. Is she good looking, maybe. But without the fake plastic boobies, the I'm sure at least two hundred K worth of other Cosmetic surgery and the expensive clothes, she's just a really average chick. Granted,a really average chick who's father was responsible for getting a double murderer who chopped the mother of his children's head off with a butcher knife a not guilty verdict. But outside of that, just an average girl.



#8 Katy Perry

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Hot girl, yes. But also a celebrity who's in desperate need of a really, really slutty photoshoot. What the F%@!* For those that do not know yet, sex sells. And I understand that you want to be taken serious as an artist. I get that, you're talented. But fame for the great majority lasts for about three months. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton still is covered by the media fifteen years after she ever even came close to some assemblage of relevancy. WHY? Cause she whores it up, so to speak. And Katy, if I'm your manager, I start getting some photo shoots of you dressed in your underwear started right away. I've heard your latest singles and they'll never come near the popularity of I Kissed a Girl. Buy red lipstick and start putting it on thick, then go out and stop wearing underwear and getting in and out of your car on Hoolyweird Blvd. That seems to work for everyone but Mischa Barton these days.



#7 Eiza Dushku

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It's official. I'm out touch. If I thought Dushku would make any list it would be the list of good looking chicks who look like they got a broom stuck up their ass in every single picture they ever took, she would be number one on my list. Guys like BbtN.com's In-house NFL expert Angry-G swears by this girl. I don't see it.


#6 Giselle Bundchen

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I love Tommy Brady more than you do. I don't care if you have a life-size tattoo of him across your chest and you try to work his name into every sentence whenever your speaking about any topic, e.g. " Yea, I just started taking a pottery class down at the local community college, you know, to get in to touch with my more artistic side of life,....... Tommy Brady bangs Giselle.......hard......a lot."

Something like that. But I'm not sold on her either. Really, if she was standing next to you on the bus (I'm going green...think about the children's tomorrow), you would say "DAAAAMMMNN, that bitch is tall and freakingly skinny. Go grab a taco and put some meat on your bones." I don't find that all that attractive.





#5 Adriana Lima

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For critiscm, see above. Adriana is incredibly good looking, yes I agree. But is she sexy? Is her body type the kind of shape that you as a guy thinks is sexy. No friggin way. Your fooling yourself if you think so. Everyday in the Big City, tons of 6 foot girls that weight ninety five pounds walk past you and you would never think to give them a second look. But if a five foot two brunette with plenty o' junk in the trunk walked past you in a short skirt and high heels, your tongue would hit the floor as you said "DAMMMN, that's some good brick work" Just an observation.



#4 Hadise

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According to a Turkish Website Sorbetmak, Hadise:

Hadise 1985 yılında, Belçika'da dünyaya geldi. Çocukluğunda şarkı söylemeyi ve ata binmeyi seviyordu. Ekonomi ve Çağdaş Diller eğitimi aldıktan sonra, en büyük tutkusu olan müziğe yönelmeye karar verdi. Ailesi de bu durumu memnuniyetle karşılamış ve genç Hadise'ye destek olmuştu.

Hadise, 2003 yılında Belçika'nın "Popstar"ı olan Idool adlı yarışmaya katıldı. Finale kalan 10 isim arasında yer alamasa da birçok yapımcının dikkatini çekmeyi başardı. 2Brains şirketi kısa süre sonra genç kıza sözleşme teklifinde bulundu. Hadise, yapımcıları Yves Gaillard ve Serge Ramaekers ile birlikte kayıt sürecine başlamak için stüdyoya girdi.

Which loosely translated, I think means she's the Turkish version of Brittany Spears,el including the gratuitous upskirt pics. I wonder who the Turkish Kevin Federline is? Urkel is still available, and the kid can act no doubt. If you need his number let me know, I'm still in contact with him...wait no, I haven't seen him in years.



#3 Lil Jess Simpson

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Finally, my girl little Jess. NFL quarterback Tony Romo's arm candy. Lil Jess was getting a lot of media time a couple of weeks ago cause they were saying that she's been hitting the ice cream a little too much and needs to lose a couple of pounds. The week after that, she's on the beach in a bikini with her friends looking smoking hot. Make up your friggin media mind American media. Lil Jess is one of the hottest girls of all time irregardless of anything. And she's also a major jinx. Dallas will never win the Super Bowl while her and Romo are bumping uglies, sorry Cowboys fans, but you didn't see Eli or Ben lining up for her after she got a divorce. And now they got rings.



#2 Emma Heming

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Who is she, well I'm glad you asked. As Wikipedia puts it:

Emma Heming (born. June 18, 1978) is a born, Britishmodeland actress. She was a spokesmodel for La Senza lingerid and walked for Victoria's Secret in 2001. In 2005,Maxim magazine placed Heming at number 86 in its "Top 100" list. She married actor Bruce Willis in Turks and Caicos on March 21, 2009. Guests included Willis' ex-wife Demi Moore and their three children, as well as Moore's husband Ashton Kutcher. The ceremony was not legally binding, so the couple wed again in a civil ceremony in Beverly Hills six days later. She has also dated Flavio Briatore

In a nutshell, she's the female Ashton Kutcher, and future Mrs. Ex-Willis. Hope you got the pre nup done in time, Brucey. Otherwise you'll still be banging out Die Hard fiftey eight when you're seventy five (in two years). Her past boyfriend was Flavio Briatore, who the F*#$$ is that.



And finally #1 Jessica Michibata.

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Jessica is currently the "Bird of the Week" here at BbtN and just happens to be the most Googled hottie in the entire world.

Just who is this international hottie of mystery. She was born in Japan and her father is Argentinian. She's been in a couple of TV shows and some bit parts in movies. But she's ready to explode onto the American scene. In a recent interview, Jessica said that she attracts a lot of fan mail through her blog and MySpace. “Young women want to know how they can become models. They want to know my story. Guys send fan mail too.” And what is her type of guy? “I like older men, smart guys, guys who work really hard* (on stupid web sites that make no sense whatsoever and also serve no purpose) like me. My type is the actor Benecio del Toro. He is the best of the best,” she answers.



*might not have been said actually, but might have been implied through body language at the time of the interview.


Here's the video, I'm outta here. This took for friggin ever

Video Game - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show