Alec Baldwin will "Feel The Mayhem" in Manilla

The actor, best known for calling his 11 year old daughter a “thoughtless little pig” and starring as the voice in all those Thomas the Train movies is now in hot water over comments he made on the David Letterman show the other night.

When Baldwin was asked if he was ever going to have any more kids, he said that he was "thinking about getting a Filipino mail-order bride at this point ... or a Russian one."

Well what did he expect, that the entire country of the Philippines (it is a country right? Right?) was just going to sit there and take his insults laying down. Filipino action star and National Senator Ramon Revilla said Monday that Baldwin's comment was "insensitive and uncalled for" and an insult to millions of Filipinos.

He called the actor "arrogant" and said he is apparently unaware that the Philippines has a law against mail-order brides.

"Let him try to come here in the Philippines and he'll see mayhem," Revilla said, using a local idiom that implies the speaker will personally administer a beating.

Revilla is best known as being the Steven Segal of Filipino cinema. Starring in such international blockbusters as Exodus: Tales from the Enchanted Kingdom, The Killing of Satan and Paul Bart: Mall Cop.

You would expect a tough guy American actor to stand up to these threats and meet Machismo with Machismo right? Wrong. Baldwin folded like a cheap blanket.

He offered up this poor excuse for male testosterone yesterday:

While on the David Letterman program, I joked that I might need a "mail-order
bride" to achieve the goal of having more children in my life. I believe that
most people understood that this was a joke and took it as such. (A dated
reference, no doubt, and another sign of my advancing age.) However, I do
apologize to anyone who took offense.

Instead of facing up to the Filipino Segal and hopping on the next flight to Manila to see just what the term “Feel the Mayhem” is all about, Baldwin showed the world that he’s a weak kneed sissy.

Two things we learned out of this war of words, no not that Baldwin is a great actor: that we already knew. No, the first thing that we learned was that the government of the Philippines spends it’s time watching crappy American television rather than spending time trying to fix their crippled economic system.

And the second thing is that the term “he’ll see the mayhem” is the greatest translated phrase in the history of linguistics. How great is that? We need an American version right away.

How about “We’ll Katrina your ASS” or “We’ll run a Chris Brown all up on your shit?” No? Alright, we as a country have to stand up together and come up with a cool sounding Open up a can of whup-ass catch phrase. We can’t be out muscled by the Steven Segal of the Philippines can we.

Baldwin better watch his ass in the near future. He might have diffused the whole Filipino meltdown, but don't think that Vladimir Putin hasn't sent a KGB hit team for making that crack about Russian mail order brides also....wait, what's that? Russia's trying to pawn off as many of their hot chicks on the rest of the world as they can. Holy crap, somebody get me on a plane to Moscow.

I got to go, I’m right in the middle of Task Force Kingfisher and Sen. Revilla is really making the bad guy in the movie “Feel The Mayhem.”